2020 and Life is good FINALLY

Well come to find out my past, my childhood wasn't perfect but ya know what, it made me the strong mofo that I came to be now.  Some of my trauma comes from the Battle of Flowers sniper event, and then also from the event of us almost getting washed away in the flash flood around this time of year in the boat, the blue impala.  The anxiety has been at bay since I came to that realization but at the same time, Mom and Dad did the best that they could even with Dad's errors he still did what he could for us and Mom of course worked his fingers to the bone to make sure we were fed, clothed and housed.  She protected us when the sniper opened up at the Battle of Flowers parade as did Frank my brother because he knew that is what he was told to do by Mom.  I shared with him my appreciation for everything that he did for me through our childhood and protecting me through our growing up years and taking care of me when Mom and Dad had to work hard to provide for us.  I'm glad noth

So 2023 ended with some tough times due to a relapse with everything that I had going on including the massive oral surgery thing and making food for the family that I think screwed with my head and then getting use to them and all that just added to the anxiety and depression and then trying to put out that fire again with Bud Lights like a dummy.  I know better than that and then of course I hurt my foot on Christmas Eve and walk on it for two days even after making lots of food for family and friends and limping through all of it.  Finally had to give in and go to urgent care the day after Christmas and get it checked out.  They of course x-rayed the foot and before radiology could even read the x-rays, the NP could already tell that there was a darn fracture on the first metatarsal and referred us to the KC Orthopedic Alliance and then I got hooked up with Kniedel who ordered a ct scan and then a visit with him in person where  we discussed the results and he shared that I didn’t j

The end of another glorious year.  It’s been a great year and we accomplished some good stuff and continued therapy for the mental crap that clouds my brain on the daily.  I completed a 365 day sober journey but in all honesty went back to it once the year mark was passed.  Continued therapy with Abby Pollard but of course she had to depart due to her baby birth time which is totally okay.  

 Holy cow what a difference 190 days makes.  Today is Mothers Day 2023 and my first sober Mothers Day since Mom left in 1996 (27 years!!).  Today was spent doing yard work from the moment that we rolled out of bed until about 2pm (just in time for the NASCAR race).  In the backyard we were able to seed and get grass to grow from seed even with the canopy of the tree in the back.  Emily worked on the flowers and I worked on the mowing the front and back and it turned out to be a gorgeous yard and this evening Mother Nature is gracing our yard with a nice steady rain.  The backyard might need watering due to the tree canopy though.   So yeah, 190 days ago, November 5th 2022 is my sober date as the last time I took a beer drink at 0730 on November 4th.  I would then be taken to the Behavioral Assessment Center at Advent Health Hospital, the old Shawnee Mission Med Center, and be evaluated by a lady named Cassie (Cassie the Beagle had passed away with 2-3 weeks prior to this).  I remember

 Sitting here before I head off to volunteer for HHR booth at the KC Marathon Expo I think back to the past 10 years of all the running adventures and the miles of sweat, laughs, high fives and good times that have been shared with so many and the many friends that I have become closer with but also the new friends that I have gained while making that journey with a flag on my shoulder.  I would never say that the flag is light in weight or that its about my military or USDA service but rather, it would be to honor our country, my fellow Veterans and all those that have paid the ultimate sacrifice.  (  que in the rambling part of this entry) Its heart touching to be recognized standing in the Grand Hall of Union Station as the guy that runs with the flag but to make that connection with so many that evidently an impact to their running journey has been touched by that action means so much and inspires me to continue my physical therapy journey.  It gives me hope that so many people wan

  You’ve shared your Dad complained about the house not being clean.  To the point that he blames his leaving her on it.  You (&Frank) mentioned about the cleaning list Mom left you and how you’d rush through it at the end of the day.  I’m wondering if somehow you internalized Dad's complaints to mom about house as you not being good enough at helping her.  Like if you had cleaned better you could have protected her.  This is when you were little not older, well older too but I think younger is the important part. So today has been a historic day with the inauguration of our new POTUS but also our first lady VPOTUS.  As she took her oath it was so special to witness that moment for all the little girls including my own that dream of being President one of these days. What a special moment and so awesome even with all the pomp and stance. Not only is it "Inaug" day but its Emily's birthday and also my Day 1 and hopefully the first of many days in celebrating her bu