2024 New Start New Beginnings

So 2023 ended with some tough times due to a relapse with everything that I had going on including the massive oral surgery thing and making food for the family that I think screwed with my head and then getting use to them and all that just added to the anxiety and depression and then trying to put out that fire again with Bud Lights like a dummy.  I know better than that and then of course I hurt my foot on Christmas Eve and walk on it for two days even after making lots of food for family and friends and limping through all of it.  Finally had to give in and go to urgent care the day after Christmas and get it checked out.  They of course x-rayed the foot and before radiology could even read the x-rays, the NP could already tell that there was a darn fracture on the first metatarsal and referred us to the KC Orthopedic Alliance and then I got hooked up with Kniedel who ordered a ct scan and then a visit with him in person where  we discussed the results and he shared that I didn’t just have one fracture, but instead had 5 total fractures from the foot and near the head of my tibia on my left leg.  Damn what a way to go! “Go big or go home” for sure.  All of that had me drowning or trying to, with the BL’s but of course the issues didn’t go away and all it did was stress me out even more and Em as well.  Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.  Come the first day of the new year of 2024, and I wake up with a dang anxiety attack with cold sweats and shakes and of course the dry heaves part 1 in the morning and then part two came later in the evening after having some pizza.  That was no fun at all.  That shit sucks ass.  And at that moment I decided I was done AGAIN with beer and alcohol and made that promise to Em that I didn’t want to drink anymore.  (She was happy I’m sure to hear that) Today is Wednesday the 3rd and last night I went to my IOP with Carlee and the OG group as some of the regulars were there like Cindy, Pam, Debbie and of course Carlee were there and I admitted to them with everything going on I had relapsed and took ownership and admitted to them to not get complacent like I did as I had done as it would come back and smack the shit out of you in the face like it had done me.  I have re-downloaded I Am Sober and with my nightly check ins have journaled there as well every night.  Via Everything AA, todays reflection is all about Step 1 of the process where we admit we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.  And evidently per that panic attack on Monday 01-01-2024, evidently my body and everything that I am was definitely powerless from the poison that had re-invaded my body and had to stop and make that choice to save everything that is important to me.   Today is Day 3. One Mofo Day at a time.

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