Realization of a lot of things

Well come to find out my past, my childhood wasn't perfect but ya know what, it made me the strong mofo that I came to be now.  Some of my trauma comes from the Battle of Flowers sniper event, and then also from the event of us almost getting washed away in the flash flood around this time of year in the boat, the blue impala.  The anxiety has been at bay since I came to that realization but at the same time, Mom and Dad did the best that they could even with Dad's errors he still did what he could for us and Mom of course worked his fingers to the bone to make sure we were fed, clothed and housed.  She protected us when the sniper opened up at the Battle of Flowers parade as did Frank my brother because he knew that is what he was told to do by Mom.  I shared with him my appreciation for everything that he did for me through our childhood and protecting me through our growing up years and taking care of me when Mom and Dad had to work hard to provide for us.  I'm glad nothing from my adult years has ever come between us and no wedge has ever divided us as the one that Samantha and I have had to experience.  I'm glad also that Samantha and I and Logan too have recovered from that wedge dividing us since the days of that person in LSMO.  Not sure how or when the division between her and I will take to heal from the stories that were told to her from her Mom but that's not what I'm concerned with anymore.  Coming to the realization that it wasn't my Mom's fault that we went across that creek in a rainstorm, she was trying to get us to a house that had power, which was probably 615 Gould SAT because we had lost power at our house.  Not sure that is something that would happen now as that place has grown up so much.  It also wasn't her fault nor was it Dad's, that the sniper Atterbury opened up so close to us but I'm glad to see that they have what appears to be a memorial park where things took place in that place now.  I remember running as quick as I could back to where Pearl beer had warehouse buildings because I can remember the stink that that place put out.  But of course I also remember my anxiety caused me to have puking issues on the side of one of those buildings. I don't remember how we got picked up or how we got home but I remember Mom comforting me as we went to I think grandma's house. Even through remembering that stuff doesn't matter it does help in the recovery for the anxiety.  There was actually some trauma that was created from the experiences that we had to experience.  Not sure of FAA has anxiety or depression like I do, but maybe he's never had the chance to admit to it or experienced further trauma in his adult life like I had to.  And thats okay, thats with him and those guys.  I know how anxiety and depression and PTSD has experienced my life in my adult years

Some of the PTSD of course comes from my time married and connected to a few people that toyed with my mental state with of course JRH HJB and MAMS (named omitted because they don't need to be acknowledged).  

So that would be some of my recovery and healing.