2020 and Life is good FINALLY

So on this quiet afternoon on Thursday as I sit here watching Captain Phillips on History Channel my thoughts are wondering about the moments leading up to what would come to be 2 years ago this weekend.  As my Michigan State friend GK reminded me, what happened two years ago was a humungous Blessing in disguise and one that was just part of the process of going through the wringer to get to where I deserve to be.  Of course that wringing involved many days of trial and error and all sorts of weird people to meet and spend time with.  There was also lots of time to spend time solo and in recovery and healing of the heart and mind and repair of connection to Samantha and one that continues to be worked on even now.  Some days go by sometimes where I dont hear from her but that is to be understood because of course she is self minded and in her own little world and her and Logan are in their own way of being and doing their own thing.  Of course when she needs som...

Conquered day one of the drying out process and even sweetened the deal with a challenge between me and EMM.  If I make it one week cold turkey without having any beers, then the benefit and reward will be given behind closed doors woohoo!!! Even though last evening was easy, or thereabouts-not to say I didn't think about it, I was definitely fidgety and had a hard time going to sleep but I think we both did, even tho the intimacy was amazing and very intense.  Once I got to sleep I was able to sleep soundly like a baby I think and slept good and despite always being tempted to sleep in, got up and got logged into the office and got the day started.   Finally got all of my transcipts received downloaded and sent off to UMGC and have figured out to chase down the remaining credits needed to complete the bachelors degree in Social Science with a minor in psychology.  I have two goals, one which is short/medium term and one that might take longer than a year or two with...

So today was a learning day and realization of a lot of things including the fact that I was slowly gradually becoming something that I hated from CB HRB which was excessive drinking.  Something that caused her to disconnect and become the toxic person was the one thing that I was fucking becoming myself and basically creating within this life with EMM.  So WTF!! Time to put a stop to that crap in a quick f'king dang hurry.  Self medicating with food is something that I did back in San Diego and earlier here in KC.  I in turn create the self medicating with the alcohol as a follow up to avoiding the food as a security blanket.  But the question remains WHY? I'm very aware I'm in a safe place and comfortable with life with EMM, so why would I need to feel insecure for anything? Why would I need self medicating to recover or to feel safe or secure? I'm sure some goals and focused thinking and small goals and celebrating each accomplishment (one week at a time) wou...

Happy Friday to me and to all the wonderful people in my world.   I'm very fortunate and Blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people and wow where did this wonderful, cute, beautiful woman of EMM come from?   Life is getting better with every day every stride and more and more wide open communication that we share between our days and nights and weeks and time spent together. As the eve of the darkest day of my life next to the day that Mom died is tomorrow, my hope is to not give that day the glorification that it wants to have in my head but rather create a new memory with it with those that surround me and of course the most special person in my life next to Samantha.  Even if means just watching movies due to rainy weather or mowing yard and sharing some laughs with friends I want us to share in some new memories and finally put to rest and bury deep the negative memories of the former life and the memories that came from it.  Even though I don't know...