Happy Monday and GLAD

So today was a learning day and realization of a lot of things including the fact that I was slowly gradually becoming something that I hated from CB HRB which was excessive drinking.  Something that caused her to disconnect and become the toxic person was the one thing that I was fucking becoming myself and basically creating within this life with EMM.  So WTF!! Time to put a stop to that crap in a quick f'king dang hurry.  Self medicating with food is something that I did back in San Diego and earlier here in KC.  I in turn create the self medicating with the alcohol as a follow up to avoiding the food as a security blanket.  But the question remains WHY? I'm very aware I'm in a safe place and comfortable with life with EMM, so why would I need to feel insecure for anything? Why would I need self medicating to recover or to feel safe or secure? I'm sure some goals and focused thinking and small goals and celebrating each accomplishment (one week at a time) would be the best way to get to where I need to be or to reset the world in which my head sometimes lives.  Not to mention the weight I'll lose and the training I can get restored and get to feeling better in the mornings and the money saved. Instead of spending 20 bucks every two weeks on a case of beer I can use that for other stuff.  Life will soon be grand again because right now for now its just at the good level.  One day One stride One Mile at a time. 

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